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Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
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Life in the zoo. Its crazy but completely boring. The only fun we really have here is causing drama, which I dont like to do but will if I need entertainment really badly. Just zooming by and hopefully I'll be able to slow down and wave hi to you all.
JERRY I NEED YOU !!!!!
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I'm going crazy. Just plain and simple crazy. my boyfriend is in jail and I havent gotten any kind of affection in about 3 months..well there was that one night but that doesn't matter. I have forgotten all about that and I really don't want to think about benito in that way ever. he was a mistake then and he is a mistake now. I have no idea what I was thinking when I dated him. he is a big loser. and most likely will always be a loser. I just want my scott. He loves me like no man has ever loved me. it took him 3 weeks to even kiss me on my lips, he was just kissing my hand and holding it. I mean how much of a gentleman is he? Hes wonderful and I hope we can acutally make something about ourselves after he gets out. Only time will tell. out for now..:)
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Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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| Subject: | Not again.... |
| Time: | 12:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | my hips don't lie (get this song out of my fucking head!!!). |
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Still looking for a job...but I got an interview at Sears so we'll see how that goes. Very nervous and excited at the same time. I still don't like it up here, but at least I got some friends to make it all better. Well, except Gin. She is being such a bitch and for what reason I don't know. She is acting so weird and I've been 800 sime miles away so i really couldn't have done anything tooo bad. I just want to know what her problem is, I sent her a message and she didn't reply, so I guess thats is my answer. She doesnt care..she rather be a druggie and be friends with druggies than me then so be it. I can't stop her, but next time she is rude to me..I'm going to fucking cuss the fuck out...ohhh excuse I'm little angry about this whole thing. I mean I just don't understand...but maybe its better that way. I have my own problems to worry about and I'm not a bad person (anymore), so what should it matter if I lose one friend who is worthless and druggie, which I'm trying to stay away from drugs. I just want her to stay it to my face, but I guess she is too much of a pussy to actually stand up. Oh well, I just have to think about what i do have and what I where I will be i a few years and know that she will be no where, but where she is now. All for now...PEACE OUT....
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Everything is going slow, transfering me into some other mind/world. I don't completely understand. But maybe I'll know when the time is right.
Any who, on my way to being great. I'm kind of out of my head right now...WHERE IS MY JERRY?!?
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On my way to the Zoo. I'm in Lansing right now...going to be home tomorrow. Excited but at the same time a little scared. I hope everything goes well for me. I just don't know what I'm going to do there. Lost on everything. But I know that I make my own life...so if anything goes wrong its my damn fault.
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Saturday, June 10th, 2006
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Somethings got screwed up and I'm coming back to MI. I'm half excited and half worried. My boyfriend is gone for awhile, and I'm kinda lost without him. How sad is that, but I love him and I thought he had all the answers and I was wrong. He was looking for all the answers and didn't find them in time. So my move back to MI isn't a want to but a got to. I can't stay here and be ok. I have to start over from scratch again, which sucks. I don't know if I'll make it again, but I guess all I can do is try. Hopefully i make this one count this time. Out for now.
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Not to be a down all the time, but things just keep getting harder. I mean my luck is in the toilet. Hah, I just don't understand how the world works sometimes. The woman that i'm living with is a completely bitch, over the past couple of weeks she has just been horrible, and I'm kind of slow to anger but shes been pushing and pushing my buttons and I might just have to fucking slap her around once or twice. I mean shes 32 acting like she's 15. What a dumb bitch. Whew, so tired of being mad, I just am not fitting in here. Sad to say everything was easier when Ashley was down here, atleast I had someone from home that knew me and kind of understood me. She wouldhave stayed my friend if she didn't go out of control and try to act like my mother, I mean she yelled at me when I did something wrong and when I was out with my boyfriend she called me like a million times and then get mad when I didn't pick up everytime. Why can't I just find a sane girl-friend?
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Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
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Nothing is new. I'm trying my hardest to find a way back up north. I just think it would be for the best. I mean i'm just not a southern girl. hah. Well I'm trying to look on the bright side of things and thats hard for me, but I'm trying.
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Everyone has heard that I've gone missing, but thats not true. I just stopped talking to ashley because shes crazy and too controling. I just couldn't handle her anymore. Sorry if I scared anyone. I wish I did go missing.
Ijust want to be back up-north but I'm stuck down here. I want to go home, but I guess I should work harder at it.
Cassandra- I can't call you if I don't have your phone number. I would like to know why you didn't want to be my friend anymore, cause I'm still bothered by it. I miss being friends with you, you were the one person I could trust with anything. You didn't judge me. You could say I learned alot being down here. I just am a different person.
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I'm 20 years old today. Whoo. not exactly a wonderful birthday, but I guess its only almost over.
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I losing it. I don't want to be down here anymore. I miss everything that is up North. I'm losing myself and I'm finding myself being really depressed. I want to go home.
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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
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Hey..back again. Just say hello and I'm doing well..
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Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
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I'm worried about all the things ocming my way. We are most likely moving into some duplex with a friend of his girlfriend living on the otherside. I guess it oculd be worse. When we mentioned it to her, she didn't seem all the excited..I mean I think she is a little disapointed that we are moving in on that side...but I looked at the place first..she just snaged it up right under my nase. bitch..hah.
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Getting addicted to my ds..damn thing. I play animal crossing..god can i be anymore of a nerd?
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Still here Columbia. It way bigger than I'm used to in Kazoo, but I guess people have to grow up sometime. I just wish I oculd stay 16 or even younger forever. Have no worries or cares, just be pure again. I wish I haven't done all the bad things I've done, or the drugs I've done. I guess like the old saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Tru dat.
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Thursday, March 16th, 2006
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I finally atleast got a hold of a friend from MI. Girts, hes a cool dude. I just wish Cassandra wouls even try to talk to me, but I guess its beyond repair. There are alot of people i the world and I wish I wasn't so scared to get to know some of them. God damn I hate being shy, it doesn't go over too well when you grow up, so I got to get over it. Well, I'll do it tomorrow. Like I always say.
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Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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Haven't updated in awhile. Moved to S.C. in aug. Its warm here and no snow...HAHAHA.
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Friday, October 22nd, 2004
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Its been awhile since I could write here. Computer broke and all. I think I found my love, The one who means something deeper than ordinary. I mean I don't know if it is going to last but something is going to happen. I'm pretty excited, and hoping that it won't be another bad experience. I am simply in love, and hoping. Talk to you later, maybe.
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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
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| Time: | 5:01 pm. |
| Mood: |  crappy. |
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I need a job. I need alot of things. Damn.
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Saturday, June 12th, 2004
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Everything may get better, hopefully. I just need to drop people. And start up with the people who never left me down.
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causing_fire's journal
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